August 27, 2014
"I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.

Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”"

#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward

P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”

(via startrekrenegades)

(via aspiringpolymath)

August 25, 2014
When The Media Treats White Suspects And Killers Better Than Black Victims

bbchase:

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via The Huffington Post

I can’t. I don’t know.

(Source: curvesincolor, via ljm)

August 25, 2014

way-harsh-tai:

Everything Beyonce does is careful and thought out. Her entire image is perfection crafted from planning ahead. She does not ‘wing it’ or throw things into her performances and public appearances ‘just because’.

What she did at this award show was amazing, especially because of how intentional and thought out it clearly was.

Feminism is a scary word for a lot of people. Many women are afraid of calling themselves feminist because they think it implies anger, hatred of men, or a rejection of traditional femininity. 

Beyonce presented everyone watching with two distinct images of what many viewers viewed as two very different women. There is the strong, independent FEMINIST. She is the woman who likes being in control and being in the spotlight. Then there is the WIFE and MOTHER. She is soft, sweet, smiling at the husband and child you can tell she loves and values so much.

For every girl watching who was afraid to be a feminist, afraid to be powerful, because of what she thought she would lose, this is an incredible message. You can be all the things you want to be. You can be both. Feminists can have amazing happy, full lives full of both traditional and modern womanhood. 

Feminism means gender should not be a source of persecution or a restriction of your choices. Feminism mean the type of person you should be is based on what you value, not what outside forces pressure you to value because of your gender or biological sex. Shout at the top of your lungs that you are a feminist and proud. Then go and be the exact person that you want to be. 

Reblogging all this Beyonce stuff as notes to self.

(via bearhatalice)

August 25, 2014
slaughterhouse90210:

“People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That’s what can move the world. That’s art.”  ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

slaughterhouse90210:

“People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That’s what can move the world. That’s art.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

August 25, 2014

realesthousewife:

 

Beyoncé’s full performance at the 2014 VMA’s

I truly believe if I watch this daily i’ll live forever. 

(Source: jennception, via aspiringpolymath)

August 25, 2014
Try A Little Harder - The Yearbook Office

yearbookoffice:

I kept saying “why had I never heard of them before?” and the answer was the same: They were out there, but I was not looking hard enough. For me, this has been a life-changing experience.

-Try A Little Harder by Alice Lee (aka bearhatalice)

The Yearbook Office is back and Alice wrote about finding what you want/not settling for what you don’t want and it’s great.

August 25, 2014
schindermania:

benredux:

kateordie:

angelica-aswald:

mtvstyle:

want this moment burned on my eyelids

So many girls saw this. Bless.

All hail the queen.

AAAAALLLLLL HAAAAAILLLLLL.

long may she reign!

schindermania:

benredux:

kateordie:

angelica-aswald:

mtvstyle:

want this moment burned on my eyelids

So many girls saw this. Bless.

All hail the queen.

AAAAALLLLLL HAAAAAILLLLLL.

long may she reign!

(via adventuresinblunderland)

August 22, 2014
"I felt humbled by realizing how hard the job was. How hard it is to write a moving, worthwhile, memorable story. But more often I was inspired. It turned out that one of the most helpful things I did without knowing it would be helpful later was hang out with stand-up comics in San Francisco. I went to their shows night after night after night. I watched them performing, working through the same material. I saw some nights it killed and other nights it bombed. All that time I was observing nuance, inflection, timing, how the slightest difference mattered. How the littlest leaning on a word—or leaning away from it—would get the laugh, and this lesson was so valuable. And the improv work—they called it “being human on purpose,” this falling back on the language in your mouth—was hugely important. Just listening to what you’re saying. I learned this when my late friend Morgan Upton, an actor and member of the Committee, took me to a Steve Martin show at the Boarding House in San Francisco. Back in the green room, Steve Martin was sick, but preparing to do his show anyway. I told him I admired that, I said I couldn’t go out there and make people laugh if I were sick. And he said, Don’t be silly—you couldn’t do it if you were well. A brilliant reply on any number of levels. I based an early story, “Three Popes Walk into a Bar,” on that night. Then I ran into him about twenty years later and reminded him of our exchange. He laughed and said, “It sounds mean!” But I thought it was great."

Amy Hempel, in The Paris Review (via fatgirlinohio)

Gonna spend the rest of the day fantasizing about Amy Hempel and Steve Martin hanging out together ok bye.

(via aspiringpolymath)

August 21, 2014

harrysde:

From Elon James White Tuesday night.

(via aspiringpolymath)

August 18, 2014

theorlandojones:

This is a very serious disease* so I gladly accept the “bucket challenge”

*My heart goes out to all those who struggle with ALS but I am, of course, talking about the disease of apathy.  If (and hopefully when) Michael Brown’s killer is brought to justice and convicted of 1st degree murder, it still won’t prevent this from happening again. We cannot accept this as the status quo. We MUST continue the fight at the ballot box, in the media and by working to create systemic change. I’m not naive to the dirty politics (redistricting, voter ID requirements, etc) that will try to prevent us from our goal. But I refuse to give up hope. My “bullet bucket challenge” is not about pointing fingers and it’s not about being angry. Every shell casing in that bucket represents the life of someone who fought and died in the goal for civil rights and human dignity. As a member of law enforcement (yes I really am a reserve sheriff) I will not stand idly by while others violate civil and human rights under the cover of authority and I will insist that other good cops rise to the same standard as well. As a black man I will demand more from myself and my community. I will not allow outsiders to co-opt our struggle in order to commit violence in our name. I’m channeling my outrage into action so I no longer feel powerless. It’s not about black or white. It’s not about rich or poor. It’s about us vs. them. There are more of us — from all races, genders and identities — then there will ever be of them. And we will be victorious.

"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality"

Join me.

Pair this with Jia Tolentino’s stirring op-ed for Time.

(via aspiringpolymath)

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