what happened?

Aug 27

“I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.

Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”” —

#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward

P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”

(via startrekrenegades)

(via aspiringpolymath)

Aug 25

When The Media Treats White Suspects And Killers Better Than Black Victims

bbchase:

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

via The Huffington Post

I can’t. I don’t know.

(Source: curvesincolor, via ljm)

[video]

slaughterhouse90210:

“People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That’s what can move the world. That’s art.”  ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

slaughterhouse90210:

“People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That’s what can move the world. That’s art.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

[video]

Try A Little Harder - The Yearbook Office -

yearbookoffice:

I kept saying “why had I never heard of them before?” and the answer was the same: They were out there, but I was not looking hard enough. For me, this has been a life-changing experience.

-Try A Little Harder by Alice Lee (aka bearhatalice)

The Yearbook Office is back and Alice wrote about finding what you want/not settling for what you don’t want and it’s great.

schindermania:

benredux:

kateordie:

angelica-aswald:

mtvstyle:

want this moment burned on my eyelids

So many girls saw this. Bless.

All hail the queen.

AAAAALLLLLL HAAAAAILLLLLL.

long may she reign!

schindermania:

benredux:

kateordie:

angelica-aswald:

mtvstyle:

want this moment burned on my eyelids

So many girls saw this. Bless.

All hail the queen.

AAAAALLLLLL HAAAAAILLLLLL.

long may she reign!

(via adventuresinblunderland)

Aug 22

“I felt humbled by realizing how hard the job was. How hard it is to write a moving, worthwhile, memorable story. But more often I was inspired. It turned out that one of the most helpful things I did without knowing it would be helpful later was hang out with stand-up comics in San Francisco. I went to their shows night after night after night. I watched them performing, working through the same material. I saw some nights it killed and other nights it bombed. All that time I was observing nuance, inflection, timing, how the slightest difference mattered. How the littlest leaning on a word—or leaning away from it—would get the laugh, and this lesson was so valuable. And the improv work—they called it “being human on purpose,” this falling back on the language in your mouth—was hugely important. Just listening to what you’re saying. I learned this when my late friend Morgan Upton, an actor and member of the Committee, took me to a Steve Martin show at the Boarding House in San Francisco. Back in the green room, Steve Martin was sick, but preparing to do his show anyway. I told him I admired that, I said I couldn’t go out there and make people laugh if I were sick. And he said, Don’t be silly—you couldn’t do it if you were well. A brilliant reply on any number of levels. I based an early story, “Three Popes Walk into a Bar,” on that night. Then I ran into him about twenty years later and reminded him of our exchange. He laughed and said, “It sounds mean!” But I thought it was great.” — Amy Hempel, in The Paris Review (via fatgirlinohio)

Gonna spend the rest of the day fantasizing about Amy Hempel and Steve Martin hanging out together ok bye.

(via aspiringpolymath)

Aug 21

[video]

Aug 18

[video]