An Extremely Subjective Gift Guide to Stuff You Can Buy (or at least coordinate) on the Internet Right Now
Look, the holidays are not about stuff. They are about love and kindness and feeling sad about your family being with your family, whether that means the people who birthed you or the friends who stick with you or the llama who tolerates your presence so long as you bring him treats. But presents are often involved, and if you’re like me you love thoughtful gifts almost as much as you love your llama. Because I love Christmas and presents SO MUCH, and I also love telling people how to live their lives, I have compiled the following list of gift suggestions. Many of these are awesome things made by people I know in real life, some of them are just things I think are cool, most of them are independently made/marketed by individuals or small businesses, and several are for a good cause. Plus, books I think you should read. Oh boy! Check it out!
1. Yellow Rose Greatest Hits cookbook by Joanna Vaught
A compilation of amazing vegan recipes from Joanna Vaught. Joanna’s recipes are SO GOOD, and so easy to follow, even if you’re a clueless kitchen dummy like me. One time I made her pasta salad for a potluck, and halfway through chopping a bunch of herbs I started thinking about non-British people who sound like a-holes when they pronounce the “h” in “herbs” and that got me thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow, who is the absolute best/worst, I mean seriously, watch her roast a chicken like she’s the first roaster who ever chickened, what a beautiful moron I love her so much. So then I added the final ingredients to the pasta salad and tossed it around and took a bite and I literally said out loud to an empty apartment: “WOW, THE FLAVORS REALLY CAME TOGETHER.” Then I ate a bunch of large mouthfuls with the wooden spoon I used to stir it.
Order today with the code “COUNDTOWN305” and you get 25% off. One for you, one for a friend? An extra-nice thing to do would be to get the book for a friend and then make one of the recipes and take your friend a basket full of, say, jalapeno corn muffins or butternut squash lasagna, with the book attached. GOSH, you’re nice!
2. 16 Sparrows’ Letter Writer’s Alliance Pigeon Post Kit
The ladies at 16 Sparrows make all sorts of beautiful stationary and letter-writing ephemera, and I encourage you to purchase anything from their online store, but this new pigeon delivery service is at the top of my personal wishlist. It’s a PLASTIC PIGEON that you can STICK STAMPS ON and MAIL IN A REGULAR CORNER MAILBOX. Starter kit comes with said pigeon, pigeon-themed stationary, address labels, message pouches, and enough postage for the first mailing. I want this I want this I want this so bad, and I want you to get one and send it with a thoughtful, handwritten note to your favorite penpal.
3. Chemically Imbalanced Comedy’s 2012 Sexy Calendar
CIC is a small theater company in Chicago. Full disclosure, I was (am) an artistic associate so this is an especially loaded/selfish gift suggestion, BUT ALSO IT IS GREAT. Support independent theater AND keep track of 2012 as it flies past AND get a gander at the giblets of some of Chicago’s finest comic talent. The human body is a beautiful thing and the Chicago comedy body is a particular treasure to behold. To be honest I’m a little nervous to see some of my friends and acquaintances nearly-naked. A little nervous, a little excited, a little sad I wasn’t there to participate. Use the coupon code DECPHOTOS30 before December 31 to save six bucks.
Steve Gadlin and friends have created a bunch of silly, wonderful stuff under the banner of their production company BLEWT! This is maybe Steve’s silliest creation yet: “the only t-shirt that lets you express your appreciation for TWO films, not just one!” Now everyone will know that you have equal love for The Royal Tenenbaums AND Baby Boom, or The Remains of the Day AND Back to the Beach, or Young Frankenstein AND You’ve Got Mail. Don’t mock my film choices unless you are also willing to pay $19.95 + s&h to put their titles on a t-shirt and give it to me as a gift this holiday season.
A shiny book full of pictures of dogs smiling! The best part is, for a little extra dough, you can have a photo of the gift recipient’s own dog put on the cover. This is one of those things I would never buy for myself, lest I seem like even more of a crazy pet person than I already am, but I would cry real tears of joy and appreciation if I unwrapped it as a gift from someone else. My own dogs on the cover of a book? COME ON. You also have the option of buying the personalized book PLUS a yearlong subscription to The Bark, which is “the New Yorker for dog owners,” which is as pretentious but also enjoyable as it sounds. This is such a good gift for the dog lover in your life!!! Seriously I am shouting now!!!
7. ON THE SUBJECT of great gifts for the animal lover in your life
The classic “donation in the name of” gift. First, make a donation, in your gift recipient’s name, to the animal shelter, sanctuary, or rescue group of your choice. Then, attach notification of said donation to a cute tote bag or mug or whatever, because charitable gifts are always better when they’re attached to concrete STUFF. Lucky for you and the animals of the world, many organizations offer COOL STUFF to go with your donation. Might I suggest:
-Pit bull advocacy/rescue group BAD RAP has a ton of well-designed apparel and assorted merch. Sooooo cuuuuuute, and foooor a good caaaaaaaause!
-If you “adopt” an animal from a zoo or aquarium, you can usually get a cute stuffed animal to go with. Give this to a child and they will FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I know zoos are questionable, but do a little research and you’ll find one that does good work, be it animal rehabilitation, habitat restoration, or just good old fashioned education.
-The Jane Goodall Institute lets you become a “CHIMP GUARDIAN” (!!!!!) at several levels, with varying amounts of STUFF to go with, including a chimp photo, a chimp calendar, and a plush chimp. Sub-suggestion, have you read Goodall’s In The Shadow of Man yet? WHY NOT?! Get it, read it, wrap it in shiny paper, pass it along to a friend.
8. More Awesome Books by Awesome People
Books are my favorite gift to give and receive, but making the right choice can be tough, so let me do some of the thinking for you, and also promote the work of Real People I know in Real Life who I want to be Really Appreciated and Really Successful. You can order most of these ON INTERNET, but you should also visit your local bookstore, if you have any left. SOME SUGGESTIONS:
-Anything by Kevin Fanning. Give his books to your friend who says they “want to read more,” or give them to your mom because you want her to expand her horizons, or give them to your sig oth so you guys can read them aloud to each other in bed oh gross that is so romantic I could barf.
-Inferno by Eileen Myles. Probably my favorite book of 2011? Give this to the artist in your life, particularly if she is a young woman. I took a class with Eileen and she kind of changed my life, and then I read this book and it changed my life some more. For a real READING TREAT, try Inferno and Patti Smith’s Just Kids in quick succession. You will feel like you are living in New York in the 1970’s and you will want to have sex with everything around you and then write some destructive verse or fling paint at a canvas or something. If you give both of these books to the same person, they will love you forever and/or leave you in pursuit of their art. Either way, you win at giving literary gifts.
-A subscription to a literary journal or magazine, duh. A few of my favorites, no big surprises here, are The Believer, Tin House, and Bust. YOU MIGHT ALSO make a donation to an online journal or blog, for your pal who really likes to support the independent arts + internet stuff, but MAKE SURE you also give them a lovely pen or book or something, because remember: STUFF.
DREAM GIFT ALERT! For $200, Clem Snide frontman Eef Barzelay will write you a song. It’s probably too late to get this in time for “the holidays” but it’s never too late to get this and make someone’s dream come true. It might help if the gift recipient already likes Eef Barzelay, but it’s probably okay if they haven’t even heard of him, because after this, they are going to love him (AND YOU) so much.
10. GO BIG: sponsor a house concert.
This is a beautiful gift to give if you’re loaded and love someone who loves music. A few artists who definitely book house shows: country superstar Robbie Fulks, the aforementioned indie rock dreamboat Clem Snide/Eef Barzelay, my favorite guy Will Johnson from centro-matic. Other artists who you can probably convince to play a house concert for the right amount of money: THE SKY IS THE LIMIT. Contact booking agents and have your $$$ handy. Probably you should give this to your significant other (oh my gosh can you imagine if you organized a house concert and then proposed marriage?! Best proposal ever! You better film that shit for a viral video!). Or maybe your best friend who has had a really tough year. Or maybe me. You should probably give this to me.
Now go out there and GET GIFTING.
