what happened?

Songs I sing to my dogs on a fairly regular basis, part 2

• “Ralph the Dog,” to the tune of “The Ballad of Davy Crockett.” Sample lyric: “Ralph, Ralph the Doggy, the Ralphiest Ralph I Know.”
• “Hey Radar,” to the tune of “Hey Baby” by No Doubt. Sample lyric: “Hey ray ray hey ray ray hey, RADAR, RADAR.”
• “Farty Butt,” to the tune of “Edelweiss,” from the classic movie musical The Sound of Music. Sample lyric: “Farty butt, Farty butt, every farty you  fart fart. Butt that farts, farts that fart, you look farty to butt butt.”
• “Farty and the Farts,” to the tune of “Benny and the Jets” by Sir Elton John. Only lyric: “F-f-f-farty and the farts!”

(Previously.)

Today is Ralph’s made-up birthday; she’s eight years old, approaching “senior dog” status. Dogs don’t know what birthdays mean, and I don’t need a designated day to appreciate my best girl, but every year on January 8, I end up writing about Ralph and how thankful I am to have her.

Sometimes I hear a particularly poignant love song, and rather than think about a person I’ve loved, I think about Ralph the Girl-Dog. Sometimes I think about how special Ralph is and I feel like I could die. Sometimes I have felt like I wanted to die, and Ralph kept me from making plans. Sometimes I think about Ralph’s inevitable death and wonder who I will be after she is gone.

These are heavy truths to tell about an animal, but there are enough songs and stories about dogs in the world for me to know my feelings are not unique. This dog, on the other hand… this dog is a freaking snowflake. Happy made-up birthday to my number one pal, who can’t read, so she won’t know it if I tell you her breath smells like dead feet but I’ma let her lick me in the face anyhow.